I haven’t written a blog post for a really long time. I have been avoiding it. Why? I’m not entirely sure if I’m honest.
Since having another pretty awful dip (more accurately a plummet!) in my mental health in December and barely communicating at all on social media or online, I have found it particularly hard to start writing blog posts again.
I just couldn’t see the point I guess.. I mean who actually reads these posts anyway… surely just close family and friends… and only because they are being nice or feel they have to right?…. The whole thing is all pretty self-involved really… just yammering on about my mental illness… it’s depressing… poor me…your pathetic that’s what it is!…. THIS is what my mind tells me, or what the mind gremlins shout at me as I have renamed these intrusive thoughts!
I don’t about you but they are pretty convincing, especially when played on a never-ending loop internally anyway!
But something did stop these mind gremlins in their tracks, something or someone I should say that made me stop and see things slightly differently.
On a rare night out a couple of weeks ago for one of my college friends, Stacey’s birthday, we were reliving our youth having copious amounts of pre-drinks before hitting a club (at least now we’ve matured we have graduated from Labrini to prosecco!). Anyway, a woman one of Stacey’s local friends who I have never met before comes over to me and says “she needed a drink to pluck up the courage to come over to me and say hello” I was confused, she went on to tell me that she follows me on social media and that reading my blog has really helped her with her own mental health struggles since the birth of her second baby.
So there was me, half cut on prosecco, digesting this out of the blue admission that me, my ramblings about life, motherhood and mental illness had genuinely helped her. I was shocked but humbled. When I started blogging particularly about mental illness it was for quite selfish reasons, a release, a therapeutic exercise. It probably sounds a bit strange, but up until that point I had genuinely never considered it might be of help to someone else.
But knowing that it had, listening to someone tell me that I had, in fact, helped them, was heartwarming to hear, its always a lovely feeling when you have done something for another human being. But more than that, it caused a quietening of those negative thoughts about the blog and talking openly about mental health, and I have started to write again.
I am still writing for my own cathartic reasons of course but also for anyone who happens to read this or the blog and is struggling. Because sometimes the most helpful and most hopeful thing can be to realise that you are not alone.