It has been a while since I have written a post about my mental health and how things have been going. If you have been following me on social media then you know that I have been on antidepressants for several months now, and I am currently taking Sertraline 100mg once a day. Despite my initial resistence to taking antidepressants, I can’t deny that they have certainly had a positive effect on my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t a magical cure, I still have had bad days but they happen less often, and my response to stress has been much better.
So why I am telling you this?…
Well you may have noticed that I have been a bit absent of late. I haven’t been posting on social media as much and I haven’t published a new blog post for a while either.
In part this is because we moved house a couple of weeks ago, and obvsiouly that has been quite time consuming.. BUT if Im honest that is really not the main reason…
I have really been struggling over the past few weeks and its really thrown me through a bit of a loop. I think mostly because I wasn’t expecting it.. an unexpected low. I thought that once we had moved and that stress was over and still taking my antidepressants regularly that I would be great. And although I have probably been functioning better than I did before I started the medication when I was struggling before, I think I have probably felt lower than ever underneath it all.
The feeling of the relentlessness of life, and routine and the feeling that it doesn’t matter how hard you try it doesn’t matter you never get on top of everything, so whats the point? Has been an almost constant feeling of late.
Before we moved, life was hectic and crazy but I was excited about things especially my blogging and my plans for a T-shirt business. I think for me part of problem this time is that I have lost my momentum. I have always been such an all or nothing person by nature. I throw myself 110% into something or I don’t at all. In some ways this is good because it means your passionate and driven about things your doing but it often backfires in that its often unacheiveable to sustain that all the time, other things take centre stage like moving house. Once that happens I always find it hard to get back into things. For example when I was in my 4th year of Univeristy I started going to the gym and got really into it, to the point where I was going between 7-10 times a week, but then the summer break came and I was at home and I couldn’t seem to get back into it when I returned.
The combination of this personality trait and depression, has made gaining any momentum again after the upheaval of moving so much harder. Which not surprisingly just adds to my negative feelings.
Essentially Im still working on getting a balance in my life, where I am spending the time with the children, spending time on my interests, spending time with Mike, seeing friends and family and all the other life stuff like housework. Not only that but trying to not feel guilty about what I’m not doing when I’m focusing on something else, or at least trying to stop the guilt taking over. Otherwise, it just means that I feel guilty for everything I haven’t done in a day and don’t enjoy the things that I do! And consequently feel miserable and very inadequate.
How I go about trying to get that better balance, I’m honestly not quite sure but I’m going to keep trying. I may have said this before but I think if I can stay awake enough to get some things for me done in the evenings like blog writing and working on the business, that would go some way in helping. Easier said than done though hey, after a full on day running around after a toddler and a baby!
And in my first act of trying to pull myself out of this latest and unexpected hole is to write about it, here on the blog, as I have found this always seems to help me so much more than I would ever have expected.
Anyway, I’ve probably waffled on enough for one day.
Do you ever feel similar? How you do you maintain a balance in life? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.